If you are reading this I encourage you to pause what you’re doing now. And if you can’t right now, find time later. I want you to think about a heart dream that you have. Not a bucket list item – something you would like to try to do before you die. Not even a goal that would be amazing to achieve someday. But a true heart dream. Maybe that’s losing (and keeping off) that extra unhealthy weight that is keeping you from achieving your goals. Maybe for you that’s entering into a body fitness competition and putting your heart so wholly into training for it that you win 1st place! Maybe that’s putting everything aside to go back to school, maybe even moving away from your family for a short period of time in order to get there. Possibly for you it’s seeing your first published book on the shelf in Barnes and Noble, something you didn’t know if you would truly ever do! Perhaps it’s finding that husband or wife the second time around, knowing they love you and you love them for who each of you truly are. And maybe for you, it’s that heart dream of becoming a Momma or Daddy. It’s a heart dream that takes real sacrifice.
And maybe it hasn’t happened. Yet.
That’s what this surrogacy journey is for me. It was never on my bucket list. It was never a goal of mine, something to achieve. It was a longing so deep in my heart that my hope never died for it. For 20 years this is a journey that I have prayed over, prayed through and prayed for. And with the numbers above, it’s a heart dream that is coming so true that the last few days I have had to pinch myself to make sure it’s not just a dream! I am pregnant!!!
It’s happening!! I am not just a Unicorn. But God is using me to provide a miracle for Tory and Travis (and truly, so many more people!)!! And for that I am in such awe!! Through this process I have had to come to a place of total surrender. And for a type A person who needs to be in control of everything (ask my husband), that’s hard. 😊 Through this journey so far I have had to be reminded a few times that I am only in control of so much. Science is only in control of so much. But that God is in control of it ALL! And at times, as hard as that has been, I have been able to stand back these few days and in awe, be so thankful that I am NOT in control of it all. It’s freeing really! But my heart is so filled with joy and thankfulness for SO MANY things!!
So 327 was my HCG level on Monday. If you read Tory’s blog you can learn more about that. So essentially, we wanted that number to be around doubling within 48 hours. And this morning, that number was 817…way more than double!! So again, this heart dream is now a reality! And for that I am so thankful! The only thing I have to change until my next appointment is the amount of progesterone in oil in my nightly shot. Right now my shot is 1mL. I have to up it to 1.5mL nightly. It’s really not a big deal to me. I already have to take the shots, so upping it a little really isn’t a big deal. Plus my husband does a great job jabbing me…lol!
So now comes more hoping and praying. We have until November 6th (1st ultrasound day!!) to continue praying and remaining hopeful that T4 keeps growing so we can see his tiny little heart beat!! Truly, I shake my head in disbelief at the miracle of that! 😊
I want to thank ALL of you who have supported this journey, Tory and Travis, me and my family! It is something truly amazing when you know that, as your heart dream unfolds, you have people in every corner cheering and praying! And for those of you who have a heart dream that hasn’t come to fruition, please know that I am praying for you. Keep that hope – Philippians 4:6.
Brandi (AKA Unicorn)