While I’m Waiting

From the Diary of the Unicorn:

I had my appointment today; the one that determines the schedule leading up to the transfer of baby boy T4.   I went in hopeful, even wearing my shirt that says “Faith over Fear”.

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So I’ve been taking baby aspirin as well as Estrace, which is estrogen.  The purpose of the estrogen is to thicken up my lining to support the transfer, set for next Wednesday, the 27th.  Today’s appointment was to check the lining and how high my estrogen levels are.   So with the ultrasound came information I wasn’t expecting, or even knew was a possibility.  My lining was thick enough (yay), but right in the middle was a small pouch of fluid (boo)…that’s not supposed to be there.  This adds some hiccups potentially.  So I left my appointment uncertain as to the next step.  So began the waiting for a phone call back from the clinic.

I was able to hold my tears until I got to my car, thankfully.  Then came the flood.  I have been having some wonderful side effects (insert sarcasm) from the estrogen, so I knew it was working.  And my lining was right where they wanted, so I again knew that the estrogen was doing its job.  But why is my body responding with building up fluid?  I am fine with this hiccup if it was MY pregnancy. But there are a whole lot of people waiting on me and my body to do what it’s supposed to.  So the tears are a result from my feeling like a failure, something that this type A, perfectionist person really, really struggles with.

So after sitting in my car for an hour, talking with Tory, my friend Julie (who is on her 5th surrogacy journey!) and researching about this fluid business, I decided to just have hope.  I prayed. And I prayed some more.  Then I drove home…excet that I needed some comfort…so I stopped…

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I got some food and 2 large cups of the best chewing ice I could ask for!  This helped some! Then I made my trek home.  Waiting.

About 2:45 I received the call I was waiting for, with news that brought on more tears.  The transfer will not go as planned for next Wednesday.  My body needs to remedy the fluid situation.  So I stay the course of baby aspirin and 2 mg of Estrace 3 times per day.  The hope is that my body will be able to take care of the fluid by itself, allowing the fluid to soak into my lining.  So I have an appointment this Sunday at 7am sharp!  If you pray, please pray the fluid is gone.  If you don’t pray, please send positive thoughts.  Thank you in advance.  If all goes well Sunday, the transfer will be Oct 1 or 2.

As I have had time to process all of this, I was reminded of the beauty of my Pastor’s sermons last year about perspective.  I take a look at what is going on around me.  Earthquakes that are taking lots of lives.  Hurricanes, major ones, that are destroying homes and memories and taking lives.  Wildfires are destroying everything people have out west.  I have nothing close to that.  I came home from church tonight, blessed to be able to teach about the love of Christ to many 4th graders! A home that’s still standing.  I came home to a husband who did dishes and cleaned the toilet.  I have 4 healthy kiddos who told me they love me.  I came home from today’s appointment to some beautiful gifts on my front step with beautiful chalk artwork from Tory, Teags and Tory’s mom (see pics below)!  So a transfer date had to be moved back.  I can handle that.  Besides, from the beginning I have said this whole journey is in God’s hands and His timing.  Why would that change now?  It doesn’t!

So while I am waiting, I will choose to worship the One who holds all things.  I will wait as hopeful and patient as I can. This song says everything I feel.  Maybe it can encourage you while you are waiting.

While I’m Waiting

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